


And Out Of All The Stars, He Shone The Brightest

by YoureMyOnlyHo



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Bisexuality (implied), Multi, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 10:30:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6750292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YoureMyOnlyHo/pseuds/YoureMyOnlyHo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn saved a Resistance pilot.</p>
<p>Finn escaped the First Order.</p>
<p>Finn fought for the Resistance.</p>
<p>Finn didn't know why he did any of those things.</p>
<p>(Takes place after the events of The Force Awakens)</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Out Of All The Stars, He Shone The Brightest

**Author's Note:**

> Hey :) So this is my first ever fanfiction that I've ever published, so all feedback is welcomed. I kind of wrote this story at 3 PM and English is definitely not my first language, so there might be a lot of grammatical mistakes, but I hope you enjoy this nonetheless.

****

** And Out Of All The Stars, He Shone The Brightest **

 

_Your first name is Free_

_Last name is Dom_

_Cause you still believe in where we're from_

_Man's red flower_

_It's in every living thing_

_Mind use your power_

_Spirit use your wings_

_\- Pharrell Williams "Freedom"_

Was he dead? Han falling down into the abyss, a snowy forest, a battle. _What happened?_ The last thing he remembered was Ren’s lightsaber casting a red hue on the man’s pale face, his dark menacing eyes that screamed death and manical smile grinning at his helplessness and  making him more terrifying than ever before, and then pain so utter that it felt like he was being ripped apart and he thought he heard Rey screaming his name and then....And then nothing. Stillness, a floating sensation, as if the world has ceased to exist and there existed only emptiness, where there should’ve been the galaxy. But maybe he truly was dead. Did it matter?

He felt cold. The world was frozen around him, the coldness crawling up his thighs, as his insides turned to ice. The tears that had swelled up in his eyes, now crystals adorning his face like a crown. A crown he didn’t deserve. A burden he didn’t want. He had just wanted to run away. With her, with Rey. The girl who looked at him like no-one had before, the girl who saw him as so much more than he was – a hero, a saviour _, a person_. He looked at her and saw someone who understood him, that haunting feeling of being alone, of not knowing what to do. But she was so powerful, so brave. Nothing like him. He could feel hands around him, an aroma of dry deserts and salty tears surrounding him. (“ _Please wake up Finn. We defeated them, together. We defeated the First Order. I l- Gods, please just wake up”_ ). A soft touch on his forehead, starting a fire within his soul. He felt cold and suddenly he didn’t.

He felt pain. It was gnawing at him and he felt like was being pierced by Kylo Ren’s lightsaber over and over and over again, no end in sight. Piece by piece he was being torn apart, sewed together, torn apart, only to be put together yet again. Maybe he deserved this, the pain and the suffering. The loneliness. His whole life, he’d been taught to follow orders, to never question what he was told to do, and he couldn’t even do that. But the looks on the villagers’ faces when they knew that there was no escaping death, _those horrified and sad looks as they accepted their demise,_ was something he could never forget. And when he saw the Resistance pilot, he knew that this was his only chance. His chance to be something more than just a Stromtrooper. The pilot, _Poe_ , trusted him from the first moment, gave him a resemblance of a name, something that after all these years, made him feel human again. Poe, with his bright smile and kind words, Poe, with his warm eyes and soft hugs, made him feel again. ( _“Finn, buddy, we are all waiting for you to wake up. You wer- are so brave, you saved us. Please, Finn, we need you. I need you.”_ ) A touch on his cheek, so much love, so much adoration, an unknown feeling coursing through him like medication. He felt pain and suddenly he didn’t.

He was surrounded by darkness, suspended in the air, the deafening silence bearing down on him. Why was he here? Why did he decide to run away? Why did he decide to stay and fight? What did he do wrong to be taken away from his family, to be groomed into a machine? To be taught not to feel anything? Why? Why? _Please, why?_ He knew where to look for the answers, but he didn’t know how to – didn’t want to – look inside him, afraid of what might look back at him, what he might confront. Because he wasn’t powerful like Rey, fierce like Poe, a leader like Leia, he was him and nothing more. A boy and a man, someone who had chosen their own path, followed their own journey. No longer FN-2187, but Finn. No longer a Stromtrooper, but a fighter for the Resistance. A brave man who had taken a stance against one of the most powerful Force-users in the galaxy, a crazed man who had taken his father’s life, to protect his loved ones, his _friends._ Was that who he was?

Noises all around him, a blurry mixture of machines and other beings – voices talking, beeping. His head pounding and breath coming out as short puffs. He tries to move, to speak, but his throat is constricted (“ _Finn? Finn! He’s moving, Somebody bring him some water, he’s moving! Oh, gods Finn. Please, buddy. It’s me. Poe.”)_ and then there’s water pouring down his throat and he’s gulping it down as much as he’s gulping air. Poe is here beside him. He is breathing and next to him and he feels safe.

He opens his eyes slowly and it’s so bright. There’s suddenly light everywhere and he knows that he made it. He’s alive. ( _“Be careful, Finn. You’re going to hurt yourself even more.”_ ) There’s a pillow placed behind his back and he pushes himself up against it. Every single muscle in his body is screaming, on fire. His eyes adjust to the awful lighting of what he assumes is the medic bay. He looks at Poe, with dark bags under his eyes, his hair a mess – _gods, did he sleep here_ – and then at their intertwined hands. He hears Poe ramble about how worried he’s been, but he can only think about their hands together. (“ _Finn, buddy, I was so worried. I heard what you did from Rey. Had us both scared to death. Finn?”_ ) And just as quickly those arms, warm and cosy, are embracing him, keeping him safe and sound and – wait, Rey?

And suddenly his voice is filled with sorrow and worry and boundless adoration, because Rey was the one who saw him, Rey was the one who didn’t want to let him go. ( _“She’s okay, buddy, she’s fine. She did one hell of a job fighting with Kylo. Slashed him up, too, by what I’ve heard. But she had to go, to find Luke. She said that she’ll be back. She was sorry to leave, but she had to.”_ ) And he breathes a sigh of relief, because he understands, after all she is a Force-user like Luke, a fighter, a new hope for the collapsing worlds. But what is there for him now? He ran away from his only task in life, the girl he fought for is gone. She is powerful and amazing and he – he is just normal. He should just leave, so he wouldn’t bring anymore danger to these people and –

And suddenly there are lips on his and his world is aflame, his hands grasping for leverage, and the smell of Poe, Poe, Poe, engulfing him in it’s warm embrace, a safe haven, and as quickly as it happened, it ends. ( _“I’m sorry, buddy, it’s just that- Gods it’s just that you looked so miserable. So broken. And Gods you deserve so much more, you’re a hero and- and.”_ ) And he understands. He smiles and takes Poe’s hands in his and kisses every knuckle to show that he knows now. He sees it now. He doesn’t know why Poe thinks of him this way, why Rey cried for him, why any of this is happening to him, but he understands that he means something. He looks Poe in the eyes and sees his reflection staring back at him. He’s a hero. He’s someone. Not FN-2187, not whoever he was before that, but a new man, a better one, bearing the name Finn and the galaxy on his shoulders. But if Poe is there to help him figure it all out, then he’s okay with that. He’s okay with shining brighter and stronger.

He’s okay with being himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Because Finn deserves all the love and nothing less.


End file.
